I just want to get better

I hate feeling like this. I feel trapped in my own emotions. I want to work out, drive, go places, do things, and just be like a normal person. I feel like I have been dealing with this my entire life I just didn't know it. Most days I don't want to get out of bed. I feel so negative about everything, all the time. I'm not lazy, I hate when people call me lazy or tell me I just need to get out and do things. I want to. So so badly. But its just not that easy. I'm lonely, i'm depressed, and i'm just sad. On a daily basis. My heart literally hurts. Its so hard to explain and even more difficult for people to understand. I try really hard to not look in on my self and my feelings. I try really hard to stay out of my head because I don't like the little parts I see. I feel like at some point I was proud of myself. I was happy. But now, no matter how many people tell me they love me or they are here for me, I just don't feel it. Its like that cliche of being alone in a crowded room. Its true. I just want it to be different.